The Tough Life of the Secret Keeper
What secret are you hiding from your family, your husband, your wife, your friends or even yourself? Is it something seemingly small like your real hair color, or a doozy like an affair? I can’t judge your secrets, nor do I want to, no one is perfect and we ALL have secrets!
There are some secrets that add a little fun to your life like a secret surprise party, or a secret gift, engagement, baby announcement, or promotion. Clearly, those are more opportunities for delayed celebration! There are other secrets that can distort your reality.
I hid a secret life for years. This life is what led to my PTSD. I was “dating” a man that was an abusive, pedophile (those are the nice words). I convinced myself that this “secret life” couldn’t be shared because I wanted to keep my private life private. Even after his lies were revealed, I still kept my feelings, my struggles, most of my inner turmoil a secret. I felt ashamed, and instead of being real with my feelings… I kept them as a secret.
The problem with the perpetual secret keeper is that your secrets begin to distort your perception of reality. I kept my feelings, stress, and trauma such a secret that I began to believe I was fine. I was an absolute wreck, and to be honest sometimes I still am. It seems easier to keep a secret. Vulnerability is terrifying. There is a level of shame that goes along with being vulnerable that is difficult to handle.
Not being a secret keeper means sharing, confiding, and trusting someone. People are not perfect, and not everyone understands how to handle your secrets. But, why should they? Friends are not placed in your life to be your counselors. It is ok to not be ok, and it is also ok to confide in someone who doesn’t have all the answers. Maybe the point of sharing is to let your friends know they can be vulnerable too.
Did you ever think that maybe you’re not the only secret keeper? Your step towards vulnerability could open the door for so many others to be open, honest and free from their secrets too.